Jokes

[GP500SU]

Warning: rated PG-13

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided
to take a leak.....

He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun.

Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged...
Shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his
doctor.

'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news..

The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local to your groin.

There was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all the
pellets.' 'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter.

'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive pellet damage done to
your penis, so I'm going to refer you to my sister.'

'Well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your sister a
plastic surgeon?'

'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the Symphony
Orchestra and she will teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss
in your eye.'

[Joe G]

There are 7 phases in a couples sexual realationship:


The 1st phase of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
*This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd phase of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
*This is when you have been with your partner or a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd phase of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
*This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th phase of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
*This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the Hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th phase of sex is called: Religious Sex.
*Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th phase is called Courtroom Sex.
*This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, The 7th phase of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
*You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

[Tommy Gun]

I'm ready for Smurf sex.

.

[Joe G]

I'm ready for Smurf sex.

.

CP said you're getting Religious Sex, and you're lucky you're not getting Courtroom sex.

[Tommy Gun]

Probably right.

.

[Tommy Gun]

So who has Sharun? LOL

[Joe G]

So who has Sharun? LOL

I think Stew has her packed for when he goes back out to sea.

[Tommy Gun]

I think Stew has her packed for when he goes back out to sea.

:gangbang:



.

[68fastback]

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.

I got some call center in friggin Pakistan!

When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited...




























...and asked if I could drive a truck.

[Tommy Gun]

.